


Evil dates

by ofiuciocontuco



Series: twisted love [2]
Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: 505 is a good bear, Black Hat is a kinky bastard, Dark Humor, Flug is in problems, Flug thinks that he's a good man, M/M, Paperhat - Freeform, but he is wrong, dementia is in problems too, evil dates, he is evil too, interdimentional adventures, spoiler tag! giant monster-zombie sandwich
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2018-12-09 08:42:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11665602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofiuciocontuco/pseuds/ofiuciocontuco
Summary: “Let’s see Flug, you trapped your boss and tried to push him to give you money. Instead of that you kiss him and you have no money. You’re just a great businessman!!”Flug didn't know yet that he made something worse than a bad negotiation, he gets into a romantic relation with his boss. Would he be able to survive to the evil dates?





	1. prank or trap?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my beta reader Left_In_The_Wreckage for all her help :D

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an already started chapter, if you want to read the introduction go to "previous work" or the fic called "Flug's turn"...

Demencia had a terrible day, spending your time in a boring and normal supermarket when you could be destroying the lab of your favourite doctor, it was just unfair. When she noticed that she didn’t have money to pay, she remembered that she was evil and tried to steal everything she could carry. She even kidnapped the cashier. She threw the huge squirming bag to experiment 5.0.5 and they started to run. Losing the police was no easy task. Worst of all, it rained and the drops of rain had ruined her make-up. She was complaining about her problems with 5.0.5 while the poor blue bear carried all the bags. Life was unfair. When she went downstairs to the lab to find something to cheer her up, she noticed something even better than a red bottom with a “don’t touch” sign attached, Black Hat trapped in a strange trap. She couldn’t hold the laugh. This was going to be soo good. 

“I was going to mocking to your office, but I see that you are tied up so I’ll come later” the redhead said sarcastically

“STOP MAKING FUN OF THIS, YOU TWIT AND FREE ME, NOW” The demon screamed angrily

Usually Black Hat’s shouts never had any effect in the lizard-woman, except for laughs and flirting. Now that he was caught in the machine he was at the mercy of the woman, so he would be lucky if she only continues with her normal routine, Black hat thought to himself. 

“Ooh, but getting what you want always comes with strings attached!” Dementia approached dangerously near to the body of Black Hat. Her forefinger crossed the shoulders of the eldritch creature.

“DEMENTIA, STOP RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR TO YOU THAT I’LL DEST-!” the demon was interrupted before he could finish giving his death threat.

“I wonder if you have tickles,” teased the lizard girl.

“DON’T YOU EVEN DARE TO TOUCH ME” the demon hissed in answer.

“So I’m right you are ticklish!” The woman take his ribs with a wicked smile. Black Hat's body began to shake off while his tight lips were trying to contain his laughter. 

“Come on, boss! it isn’t funny if you don’t laugh” she added more pressure to the ribs

 

The lips of Black Hat were twisted. He tried to avoid the offending hands of Dementia by shapeshifting, but the wave of mouths and eyes were too weak, the grip of the machine was too strong and had already sapped most of his strength. When the dark one opened his mouth to take air, a laugh spread throughout the whole lab. The deep and infernal laughter resounded off the walls and shook the floor where deep cracks began to form. They let loose thick green smoke, and screams from their fiery depths. Some ghosts escaped as putrid hands sprouted of the ground. Some hands took the legs of dementia and pulled her down, dragging her to the depths of the abyss. Others hands were striking the machine furiously that caused the machine to break down and free Black Hat. Fortunately for Dementia, who was hanging of the cliff, the laughter had ended. Nevertheless, the portal of the soil remained opened towards dimensions of pure terror.  
Black hat straightened up and walked over to where it resided the red-haired one. Her desperate hands were sticking at the edge of the hole, trying to not falling down in the gigantic crack of the soil. A shadow slowly approached to the girl. Dementia was about to smile with relief, already believing outside the portal when Black Hat's expensive shoes settled on her fingers. 

"Nobody tickles me and lives to tell it, you know? " it was the last thing that she heard while her body reacted to remove her hands from the shoes and the safe edge. 

 

Dementia swallowed. Definitively today it was not her day.  
………………………  
Flug was locked inside his room, he sat on bed holding his head in his hand, he watched at the nothing nervously. His eyes seemed out of orbit. He was on the border line of a panic attack. Well that was a usuall scene in his room, this time he wasn’t anxious about how to raise an experiment in three days instead a year or how to survive without sleep or coffee when working to complete an invention with Dementia breaking everything, it was about Black Hat. Well that could be considered normal too, after all his boss was an expert at making him nervous, but this time wasn’t about deadlines, it was about kissing Black Hat. He started to talk to himself. It's not like he could talk to someone else about his problem. After all. 505 was a bear, Dementia would only make fun of him and obviously Black Hat was excluded of the equation. 

“Let’s see Flug, you trapped your boss and tried to push him to give you money. Instead of that you kiss him and you have no money. You’re just a great businessman!!” He yelled to the air while he sink his face into the pillow

"How do I get myself into these messes...?" Dr. Flug whispers to himself “I mean what if that was Black Hat’s plan. How stupid can I be!! I should have known that was a trap. Obviously he tried to confuse me so I either wouldn’t get money or leave. Is Black Hat after all, he couldn’t said that of the dates seriously…..and what if he was serious? I don’t feel the same, right?....right?… but I kissed him… why?”

He heard something scratching on the door. It was 5.0.5, the blue bear was holding a tray with food and a small letter. Flug deduce that it was almost dinner time, he often loss the sense of time and skips foods. If it was not for the bear handling food to him, he wouldn’t eat, at least not the three daily meals. He hugged the bear as usual. He was his best friend in this nightmare that he called life. The bear looked at him with concern and growled softly.  
“Experiment 5.0.5 relax I’m fine” he said with a fake laugh while the creature gently pat to his head. “...you can go now.” The bear stared at him for a second before leaving, he could recognize a fake smile when he see it but he also knew that sometimes the best way to help someone is giving him privacy. Flug murmured, “Thank you.” He closed his door, set the tray on his bed and he picked up the strange letter. Flug opened the note and read the neat calligraphy. “In my office, right now or I’ll kill you”. It was obviously from Black Hat, but why he give him a letter instead of calling him from the speakerphone? He never understand any of Black Hat’s moves but he obeyed anyway.  
…………  
Flug spent more than 15 minutes staring at the door, wondering if he’d led a good life and if anyone would miss him… More importantly, would they feed to 5.0.5 once he was gone?  
Undecidedly, he supported his hand on the latch of the door, afraid to open it. He was about to leave, pulling himself out to the nearest window, when the door suddenly opened and a black tentacle took him from the waist and dragged him into the room.

“PLEASE DON’T KILL ME! I CAN STILL BE USEFUL!!” the scientist desperately stuttered. Far from hurting him, the demon wasn’t shapeshifting, he was comfortably supported on his black desk and laughing loudly. He would never say it aloud, but he thought the reaction of the scientist was lovely.

“Kill you? That pill was your best invention in all time!! If it could contain me it can contain every hero in the entire world!! I want thousands of these, it’s going to make us rich as hell!!” replied with a big smile Black Hat

Flug put on a face of horror even bigger (face that luckily any living being could see thanks to his bag). Was his boss congratulating him? He moved his lips without realizing it.  
“ Well… uuuhm... I’m glad that you like it.” Suspicion escaped between his words.

“But of course Flug put me in that machine again and you’re not going to live to spend your bonus work. Capiche?”  
The tentacle wrapped dangerously around the scientist's neck while sharp mouths emerged from the demon’s hat.

“I g-get it, sir!”  
The scientist answered nervously as he tried to get out of the grip.

Finally the tentacles released the doctor and dropped him on the floor. Flug was getting up and wiping the dust of his clothes when he heard behind his backs the voice of his boss.

“Good! Now that I’ve made myself clear I think that we could move to the next round: an evil date!”

Flug turned around to see the face of his boss. He seemed serious, but it couldn’t be true. He had to recognized that it was a good prank.

 

“W-WE WHAT?!!” Said the doctor between horror, surprise and disbelief.

“Oh, come on Flug, you make the first movement and I’ll make the second. It’s logical, it’s like walking, you can’t stop it once that you start.” Grunted Black Hat, while he hooked the cane on the other's neck.

“Yes, you can stop it” The scientist tried to remove the cane from him but the demon throw strongly and bring it over to his face

“But I don’t want to.” Black Hat’s voice came out so softly it sounded almost like he was purring.

Big evil eyes stared at the pupils of the scientist. They were so close that he could feel his breath, his green, acidic saliva dripped from dagger like teeth. It was intimidating ... and yet he found it attractive. The doctor knew that his mind wasn’t working right, it couldn’t be with those kinds of thoughts. Stockholm syndrome? Maybe a little, but he liked to think that it was scientific curiosity of how his boss could be in a romantic situation. The doctor was so distracted thinking and mentally justifying himself that he didn’t notice that he hadn’t said a word yet. 

As always the demon broke the uncomfortable silence.

“Tomorrow at 7am,” said the eldritch creature with a grin.

 

“Don’t you mean 7pm?” Said the poor man increasingly confused

 

“Oh no, we will start in the morning and I suppose that we will finish at night. Oh, Demencia broke your invention to free me and we’ll need it for tomorrow so fix it!”

 

“Why we need that device?” inquired the scientist with supreme distrust.

 

“it’s a surprise, just do it” He answered with the most sharp smile that the doctor had ever seen in his life. One only he was capable of.

 

“O-Ok, sir” Flug supplied with a gulp.


	2. Falling

When he opened the door of the laboratory the doctor was faced with a disaster even worse than something caused by a tyrannosaurus rex with laser guns in the back even worse than that which would cause combinations of all natural disasters or a herd of preschool children.  
All absolutely all the inventions were broken, the files dropped, the jars and tubes fractured. Joyful pieces of glass and blueprints scattered all over the floor like serpentines of an infernal party. It was the perfect scenario for a new panic attack, but this time all the frustration and anxiety transformed into anger. Anger that escapes from the human body in the form of a shout.

“DEMENTIA!” the scientist screamed pathetically to no one where he stood alone in the lab

…………………………..

Meanwhile Dementia was falling with her eyes closed, feeling how the wind hit her body and how the vertigo stabbed at her stomach. She had been falling for so long, her digestive system felt backwards, scattered in different parts of his body, she even felt guts on her feet. She laughed at the feeling, thinking what it would be like to walk with bowels and stomach sounds. It would be something that bothered to the doctor, that’s for sure. He would try to explain it in a scientific way or complain about the sounds saying stupid things like “I need to sleep” or “don’t bother me while I mix these dangerous chemicals” and stuff like that. And Black Hat would threaten to put her head in a blender if she didn’t stop. 

She continued falling. It was a funny sensation once you got used to it, she discovered. It was even relaxing, like flying without wings or like playing with the anti gravity device with a little gravity added. She rolled in the air doing moves that she would have loved to do with the skateboard. It was a shame not being able to open her eyes because of the wind or the green fire. 

Suddenly she began to hear sounds and voices. That was a bad sign because it meant that she was nearing the ground. She wasn’t very smart, but even she knows that the real problem wasn’t the long fall, it was the impact.  
……………..  
Flug searched all of the mansion, he looked in the corridors, in the bathroom, in all the bedrooms, the kitchen, the secrets room even under her bed and inside any ventilation pipes. He couldn’t seem find Dementia. 

It had already passed an hour, by this time. If she’d hidden or used her powers of camouflage she would be so tired right now that she would rest visible in some comfortable place like a bed or armchair while she laughed about her prank. But she wasn’t in any of those places either. She wasn’t anywhere he could think to look. The doctor didn’t hear any quick steps, hysterical laughter, explosions or loud music that typically tipped off her location and existence in the mansion. The mansion was in silence, even in something similar to peace (if it was possible in such an evil place). She had disappeared for real. 

Is it possible? what about the thing in her leg? she was tied to the mansion, she can go out, but she could be away from the mansion only for a certain amount of meters before the electric shocks begin, the scientist thought nervously. He’d already asked to the whole neighborhood, but no one had seen her. She had never come so far.  
For a moment the doctor started to worry about her, she was a kind of mocking sister made by a chemical accident, but when he returned to the lab and saw all the mess, the feeling disappeared. Now he must clean up the whole lab and make another pill-trap in less than twelve hours, so thanks but no thanks Dementia.  
“Eye bags, get ready! here comes Flug” the poor man joked bitterly.  
……………….  
Once upon a time, there was prince (what kind of story this could be if it hadn’t any prince). This prince has everything that he wanted except one little thing: love. He was one of the wealthiest princes in all the seventh hell dimension, he has the biggest castle, lot of servants and lot of weapons (come on, he wouldn’t have gotten anything without weapons). He was the best warrior in battle, when he was 10 years old he’d already taken over whole towns and now, at his 21 years, he had already taken control of other planets.  
Yes, he was powerful and successful in almost everything, we say almost because this little prince hasn’t got any luck with the women. He wasn’t ugly but it wasn’t so beautiful either. His face was thin and angular, brown strands fell on his forehead, his gray armor made his body look much larger and more streamlined than it really was. The problem was when he smiled and everyone could see his messy teeth, he had what could be called a very english smile. He was judged by his teeth and all his confidence disappeared in front of the females, because he would smile without thinking about it, knowing no one liked his teeth. So he did what any dispatcher would do in his place: kill them on the first date. 

That day the prince was as always, wandering the gardens of the palace with his servant. He walked melancholy like a romantic poet longing for the unselfish love of a woman who would never come.

“I just can’t understand Morgan, my faithful servant. I have everything what a man could wish and maybe more, but the women avoid me. I could even give them a planet or a moon. But they fear me.”

“Perhaps it is related to that all women whom you date end up dead, your highness,”His companion replied sarcastically. He was a petite man with dark skin, dressed in a red straight, medieval robe. Morgan knew that if it weren’t for the king's need for him, as he was one of the most powerful sorcerers, he would be dead on the ground because of his disrespect. Anyway, it was pretty funny teasing his lord. 

“But it’s not my fault, they look at my teeth and you know about the 31 royal decree.” mentioned offended the monarch

“Of course, your highness”

“ I just wish that love was easier, that the woman of my life fell into my arms” said theatrically the prince, while he stretched out his arms.

Morgan looked at him with deep annoyance, the prince was as bloodthirsty as he was childish. If only he could use his powers against him.  
Suddenly a shadow was drawn on the two men, both looked up to find a colorful point that fell at full speed.

Fate is a curious and funny thing. That would be the perfect beginning of a love story that you would one day tell to your grandchildren when they asked “how did you meet grandad?”, but gravity had other plans like the acceleration of matter in the same direction, to be more precise in the exact place where the prince was. His death was as immediate as it was bloody. His body poured pathetically on the immaculate grass of the royal’s garden.  
It was like a painting by Jason Pollock.

“A dream come true, your highness” commented the servant, smiling at the ground where his master's head had splattered.

“Whoopsie” said the lizard woman as she rose quickly. It had been a successful landing, no scratch on her body and ... "Oh, no. Tell me I didn’t ruin my coat. Oh, fuck!" she growled to the dead man “You ruined my best suit, man. I would kill you, but you’re already dead.” this was said loudly while she was lifting him.  
Then she heard a small cough and looked up at a serious brown man. 

"Do you know what happens when you kill a prince?” inquired briefly the ex-servient 

“uhmm… you go to prison?” responded with some effort dementia while she was scratching her head

“or you join the resistance” replied Morgan with a malignant smile only comparable to Black Hat’s smile

…………….

Flug wiped the sweat from his forehead while gazing at the finished pill and at the laboratory that was now tidy and shimmery. He had succeeded in finishing everything in record time, a victory that unfortunately he was the only witness.

He hadn’t slept, but he knew that even without his problems he wouldn’t have slept anyway, thinking about the date with his boss would have made him stay up all night. “Maybe I should have thanked dementia for giving me something to do and get the time to go by” thought the bag boy while he was walking to the coffee machine. 

 

When the plastic cup fell he thought that he saw a black hand reaching for him, but after blinking the strange shadow had disappeared. The machine made a happy beep to inform him that his coffee was ready. He thought that tiredness was making him see things (it wouldn’t be the first time) so he continued as if nothing had happened and start sipping his coffee. 

Suddenly, he felt something against his teeth. He spat in his hand a small black sphere and he was petrified by horror. He couldn’t understand how his last invention had ended up in his coffee. Flug let out a relieved sigh when he saw it was still in good condition.

Only one invention survived through the catastrophe that had been Dementia’s last escapade. In fact, it was the most dangerous and experimental device: the instant pocket-sized black hole. The small black sphere once thrown to the ground becomes a black hole capable of sucking anything. Ideal for finishing heroes and cleaning dust without vacuuming. It is supposed that after 10 seconds the black hole disappears. Even if it was a finished invention, it hadn’t been tested yet, it’s the kind of experiment that you could only fail once. 

It was too dangerous left it in the lab, what if Dementia come back and play with it. So Flug decided to carry it with him. What's the worst that could happen?  
If he dropped it the date and life on earth would be ruined, and he wouldn’t be alive to see Black Hat’s angry face, so it was a foolproof plan. 

He continued with the preparations, showered and got dressed in his casual clothes. “Should I go with bag or without bag?” He was wandering in front of the bathroom’s mirror. After thinking a few seconds, he decided to go with his bag on, if his boss wanted him without a bag he would simply take it off. It was Black Hat, not a sensitive girl from highschool. 

At fifteen minutes to seven he started to walk towards the door of the mansion to arrive exactly at ten minutes to seven. He liked to arrive ten minutes before any meeting to wait for the others and psych up to socialized. 

He wasn’t really surprised when he saw that Black Hat was already there waiting for him. After all, he was an old-fashioned gentleman but Flug would have been grateful to have those precious moments alone. 

Black hat looked at him with some disappointment in his eyes. Was it because he was dressed in his casual clothes? But Black Hat was dressed as always too ... was it for the bag? Why wasn’t he talking?

Once again, the silence settled on the two men as an uncomfortable bed sheet.

“So… here we are” The doctor started nervously

“It would seem so” Replied the demon without expression

“Sooo…. we are dating in a oficial way… I’m going on a date… with my boss…yaai…. this is weird” The sweat ran down the scientist's forehead as his nervousness grew. It wasn’t he who spoke, it was his damn anxiety

“Don’t make it weird flug, it’s perfectly normal in villany” said the demon as he adjusted his red tie.

Flug mind thought “Obviously, I mean, sick power relationships must be normal in villany”, but his mouth said “of course … sooo… where are we going first? to a restaurant? to a cinema?”

“What? that’s a terrible idea. We’re not going on a “normal date” that’s boring, we’re going to an evil date” hissed Black Hat.

“Oh.. and what’s that suppose to mean? We’re going to do evil stuff together like rob a cafe and mess up a library?”

“That’s so undistinguished and lame. No, this is an important event we’re doing something big today, do you have the pill?”

Flug trembled nervously as he reached into the pocket of his lab coat.. Why the hell did he want the pill? A dirty idea appeared in his mind, an idea that he wanted to repress in the darkest and most secret place of his mind.

“Yes, sir” he extended the small pill between his fingers.

“ Perfect!” Black Hat took Flug's wrist, the doctor trembled at the physical contact, he could already imagine what would come now, he would pluck the pill from his fingers and use the device on him. Oh, who knows what kind of painful or perverted things he would do to him? Maybe both? Both sounded good.

“Today we’re going to kill a hero” mentioned the demon with a big sharp smile.

“ WE WHAAT?” Black Hat’s words struck in the mouth of his stomach, if the eldritch creature wasn’t still holding his wrists, he would have fallen to the ground.

“ are you deaf?” asked with some annoyance.

“No sir… I just don’t want to dirty my hands” excused the sweating scientist .

“Come on Flug, that’s why humanity has created the gloves and the soap. It’s going to be great! I can feel it!” Said the demon with an almost childish excitement while he released the other’s wrist. 

“I don’t want t-to kill anybody” replied with horror Flug.

“Oh right, I almost forgot! This is going to be your first homicide, that is so cute!”

Flug blinked, confused. Did his boss say the word with C? That was too much. Who was this guy and what did he do with Black Hat? 

Flug stood up straight and with all seriousness, stated “Sir I’m not going to…” but the demon interrupted him.

“ You’re right Flug we need document this moment! I’m going to bring the camera! I wanna have a picture of your eyes after your first blood, do you know that they usually lost their sparkle? is so wonderful” Black Hat turned his back on him and started running up the stairs.

“but sir, I-I…. aaand he’s gone…. “The doctor talked to no one, he was alone in the hall “oh boy, how did I get into this? How am I going to scape? Black Hat will kill me if I do it. Oh geez!...” sighed resigned while he waited.

Until now, he was who created weapons, but he wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger. A small voice start to talk into Flug’s head “There’s not enough place in this romance for your moral and Black Hat. So you have to choose Flug. What are you? A trapped hero or a repressed villain?” 

Black Hat came back excited with a camera in the hand “Are you ready?” he grinned 

“I think so” he said shyly as the other one opened the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the thing, I've always wondering what happened with Dementia in paperhat fics, so I decide to give her own timeline. Maybe 5.0.5's timeline appears in the last chapter... who knows... anyway, I hope you like it, I'll try to upload soon.
> 
>  
> 
> P.S: Thanks again to my beta reader Left_In_The_Wreckage, I wouldn't find enough courage to keep going with this project without you.


	3. First blood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again guys! soo now are 4 chapters, the writing gets longer and longer when you sit down to write. Anyway, next one is going to be the end (I need to come back to my studies and my life and I can't stop writting until this is done... is terrible). Well, see you later <3

The hero's asylum was a quiet place, the forgotten homeland heroes ended up there as dusty library books, playing cards and bingo, waiting for family visits or an otonial blast.  
It was very unusual to receive visitors so far away from Christmas or some strategic funeral, the receptionist of the asylum blinked, confused as she watched the two men.

"Who did you say you came to see?" Asked the woman while she was playing with her hair.

"The kinetic captain" replied the taller of them with no small amount of annoyance.

The woman paled for a brief moment, during her eight years in service, she could notify that he had never received visits. Not even once. He didn’t have a family and he was so nuts, the alzheimer's had already eaten his brain. Only doctors came to see his state and record him for studies to verify that he was not becoming any kind of threat and give him lots of painkillers to calm him down. 

"Reasons to visit him?"

"A friendly farewell," the dark being said as he smiled evilly.

They went up the stairs, passing different doors, corridors and rooms. They saw the old men gathered in a food court trying to eat spoonfuls of disgusting ground food. Some oldies sleeping and drooling, others looking hopelessly out the window. It was a wonderful view. Who could have guessed that behind the scenes the old heroes could live under such poor conditions? If Black hat had known how much fun it could be to see his enemies aged and weak, he would have come sooner. At least now he knew. 

Flug walked too slowly, pausing to contemplate details such as the dirt on the walls or the poor health conditions of the elderly. The demon could see how the pity was etched on the face of the scientist. He took his hands, forcing him to continue the rhythm.

"Come on, doctor, you could say that what we’re going to do is even merciful" whispered Black Hat as the receptionist guides them to the more distant and dark corridor. There was an iron door there. The woman took a bunch of keys and began to try them on the lock.

“In that case, wouldn’t it be more evil to let him live?” the man said fearfully

“Are you that ruthless?” grinned the eldritch creature in response, a little pleased with the sentiment.

Finally the woman managed to open the door. They only had time to register this before a chair shot out, the woman crouched just in time to see the wooden object crumpled against the wall.

"Well, you see, they don’t pay me enough to do this. So I'll wait outside. Let me know when you're done," She said with a forced smile as she ran down the hallway until she was out of sight.

 

The two men looked at the dark, untidy room. It seemed to be disordered by a schizophrenic hurricane. A sheet crawled as if it was a strange snake and wrapped itself around Black Hat's legs, dragging him inside. The demon chuckled reminded of old times. 

“Long time, no see.” Said the devil cheerfully as he remained moored and hanging upside down.

“I knew it! I knew that one day you’d come for revenge Black Hat! You coward, you came back after years of hiding in the dark after being defeated by me!” Answered a huge black shadow that raised hands theatrically. If it had not been that he turned the light on, that would have been a perfect evil scene. Sometimes the only difference between a hero and a villain was whether during the speech the light was on or off. The light showed the hero's old, fat body. Unlike the rest of the elders, he still donned his ridiculous colorful outfit (which was ridiculously small to him).

“Okay, allow me to stop you there. First of all, you’ve never defeated to me, I let you win because I was bored.” Snarled black hat as he freed himself from the grasp of the sheets .  
“Second, I never hide, I have been advertising my business across all social networks.” While he argued offendedly, the demon fought against various objects. His tentacles fended off the attacks of the cabinets, drawers of clothes, toys, teeth of plastic.  
“Last but not least, I’m not here for revenge, I’m here because this is Flug’s first homicide and you’re easy prey.” 

“Easy for who?” inquired the old hero while all the objects of the room remaining suspended in the air.

“Come here Flug, don’t be shy. Greet to your victim”

The scientist timidly approached the door “Boss, I really don’t want to do this.”

“Nonsense!” exclaimed the demon, exasperated by the doctor’s continued hesitance. 

One of his tentacles tugged at Flug's waist and dropped him at his side. The scientist didn’t have enough time to run, he was already there in a fight that he wasn't sure he wanted to participate in. He reviewed his list of weapons, the pill and the black hole (which was so dangerous that it was discarded). Did he have to kill that hero with his own hands? That was so little aseptic! He thought while he was dusting his clothes. He was already feeling nauseous, watching the germs and blood on his skin.

“Your son is a terrible beginner.” the retired hero bitterly criticized, his arms crossed in contempt.

“He’s not my son, he’s my date” replied Black Hat. He took the scientist's hand and aimed at the hero with his cane as a way of a threat.  
Flug was surprised by Black Hat’s statement. He didn’t think that his boss would be able to show to anyone as “his date”, perhaps he did that because the hero was already doomed. He was starting to feel proud, when he heard.

“You're on a date with your son? That’s sick!!” the hero scream outraged.

“Awkward.” the scientist mumbled, releasing the hand of his boss with shame

“Okay, now you’ve reason to kill him!” encouraged the eldritch creature with a grin.  
……………..  
This narrator should explain to you readers why it's not a good idea fight a hero who has alzheimer and telekinetic powers. The disaster of that fight is only comparable to the tantrum of a five-year-old boy with a flamethrower and a blender. However, this narrator thought it was a better idea to tell you the sad story of Alonso, the cashier of the supermarket.

Alonso was about seventeen years old, he was a drummer in a little known rock band, he liked being sarcastic and escaping from high school. He had a girlfriend, a family that loved him.There were few things Alonso lamented about his life. The most important of them, was to have accepted that stupid job at the supermarket.  
"Your uncle needs help and you need money," his mother had said, "it will be easy" his mother had said. He remembered, angry as he ran down the hallways of the mansion. If only his mother knew the consequences of that work, that his son had been kidnapped, dragged to a mansion of lunatics and now pursued by a huge blue beast, she would have let him play video games without complaining about his future. But now he was running for his life. 

There was a small detail that everyone forgot about 5.0.5, he was a sweet and loving bear, but only around his loved ones, he hated intruders and around them he was what it supposed to be: a killer bear.  
……………... 

Anyway, we return to the adventures of Black Hat and Flug. The scientist was exhausted, panting on the ground. Why on earth had his boss thought it would be easy to kill that hero? Wondered the anxious scientist. It was practically impossible to approach him without an object attacking you, but what was even worse was the old man's headache manifested as explosions inside the objects, making everything laughably dangerous. Flug had accumulated quite the bunch of injuries.

On the other hand, Blackhat remained impeccable. Not a single drop of sweat, no sign of weariness, comfortably lounging in a chair while he defended himself with his tentacles without any effort. The demon simply watched how the scientist struggled and ran pathetically.

“Why aren't you helping?” screamed the doctor angrily.

“This your fight” The demon replied snapping his fingers, materializing a black table with a tea set on it. 

“My fight? He is your enemy, not mine!” Flug replied indignantly as he ran from explosive, flying fans.

“This is your first murder, not mine” the other retorted, calmly drinking his tea amid the chaotic scene.

“Do something, you cheap imitation of cthulhu!” the scientist demanded, forgetting for a moment who he was insulting. He was too busy putting out the fire on his clothes to think about it.

Black Hat sighed as if he found his lot particularly taxing, “If he kills you, I will resurrect you as many times as necessary until you kill him” The tea set was gone now, and instead of that the table was a place for card games. Black Hat was playing against the hero "so, you have any threes?"

“ I planted a tree once” the old man replied happily.

“That’s not what I meant.” snorted Black Hat, staring at his cards

Flug screamed in frustration as he threw the pill-trap madly at the floor near the hero. The pill didn’t open. The doctor began to kick the air frustrated as he shouted incomplete phrases of "why am I so stupid?”, “who sends me to do these things?”, “obviously it was a bad idea to date a villain. Silly, silly".

“ Oh, what is that?” said the hero noticing the pill on the floor

“Oh, that? nothing important dear, it’s just a painkiller” replied Black Hat smiling evilly

“That’s just what I need. The doctors were late in bringing my dose this week” The hero put the pill into his mouth ready to swallow it

“NO, WAAI-” The doctor's shout was interrupted by a cane that tripped him as he made to stop the disaster unfolding in front of him.

Black hat took him by the shoulders and whispered in his ear “Didn't anyone ever tell you to shut up and watch the show?”

Flug watched as the caped menace swallowed the pill with a look of unadulterated horror. The effect was not immediate, the hero sat back quietly to continue the game without noticing that the demon had in his hands a clock which he watched with increasing glee. Two hours passed, two hours of explosions and Flug’s desperate fleeing from the few items left intact in the room. Two hours of board games for Black Hat. 

"I think I win this round!" laughed the hero before the chessboard.

Flipping his pocket watch closed and tucking it away, the true villain offered words that went over the old man's head. “No, I think not,” black hat replied.

And then it happened. The man's limbs scattered on metal arms that rose from the inside of his stomach. It looked like a bloody Christmas tree whose star was a severed head.  
Black Hat laughed uncontrollably when he hit the table. Flug was frozen in his sheer horror. He had never witnessed anything so gory or horrible, he could not believe that his invention had caused such a dreadful death. He couldn’t hold himself together and he lost the contents of his stomach on the asylum’s aluminum floor amongst the bloody remains of an old hero.

“Smile.” He heard as he was wrapped in a blinding flash of light. The demon took the picture with a brand-new smile.

“Oh jesús crap!” Cursed the scientist as he wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his lab coat

Black Hat continue laughing “You’re more evil that I imagined, you puked over a corpse!”

“It wasn’t my intention do that. It wasn’t my intention for anything of this... I-I” He started to cry and hyperventilate. The man had become a lump of sweaty flesh on the floor. He was having trouble breathing.

“Flug calm down! It's just a corpse, he can’t hurt you. At least, not now” Black Hat tried to calm him as he approached to the doctor’s body. 

But Flug didn’t respond. The demon sighed resigned, and hugged him for a while as the doctor recovered his senses. He didn’t let him go until he felt his breathing calm. Then, Black Hat took the scientist's shoulders gently and wiped his tears. “If I took you to a park, do you promise to calm down?”  
Flug nodded while he continued crying.

“Fine” the eldritch creature snapped his fingers, wrapping them in smoke and making them disappear from there. He didn't take a second look back at the carnage.

…..

“I had supposed that parks were great places to hold romantic situations. Why isn't this working? Perhaps it is because it didn't have enough scenery? Maybe I did something wrong?” Black Hat crossed that last option off his thoughts, it was impossible that he did something wrong, it was the scientist who was in the wrong. If it wasn’t for his lie, the hero would never have died. The doctor could barely defend himself against simple explosions. How could he be a good villain if he didn’t know how to fight correctly? 

According to his words Flug was no longer crying but that didn’t meant that he was better. Black Hat couldn’t help worrying when he saw Flug. He was absent, his gaze was lost in the horizon, staring petrified without saying a word. 

The demon decided that the best strategy now was the physical approach, he leaned his head on the doctor's own, but he was rejected. Flug pushed him back without even looking into his eyes. If black Hat weren’t so worried he would have killed him for rejecting him.

“So, that is how it works, an evil date? You kill people together?” He said in a tone as cold as a dead man while he kept his gaze glued to the horizon.

“Most of them. You’ve never been on an evil date before?” inquired the demon as he stroked the grass.

“I’ve been on dates, just a few and none of them end well… but I’ve never been forced to kill something or do something so sick.”

“Oh, you flatter me!”

“ It was not a compliment!” Flug retorted bitterly.

“ How were your other dates?” Asked Black Hat trying to get a conversation going to keep the other talking. Even the anger was better than the silence.

“I remember going to the cinema or the park, I went to a circus once.”

“Were you the freak in the cage?” The demon joked impudently

“har har har, pretty funny, sir….” Flug froze again, expressionless. He was silent for a few seconds. Staring at the nothing. Then he continued, “I guess all that stayed the same is the same old routine where I mess everything up."

“You didn’t ruin it Flug. Look, maybe I pushed things a little too fast, so let's just slow it down with a nice evil dinner for you.”

The word evil struck the scientist like a slap to the face. He got up suddenly and from his body escaped an angry scream “Why evil dates, Black Hat? Why can’t we have normal dates?” He gestured desperately with his hands, fighting the need to pull out his hair in his frustration.

“Because we’re villains” Replied the other calmly, as if it were obvious.

“And what if I’m not a villain?”

Now Black Hat got up too, offended. He was losing his patience.

“By the fire of hell! You are a bloody villain! When I found you, you were experimenting with a person’s brain without anesthesia!” The irritation of the demon increased with every word. Why did he have to point out such obvious things?

“They were lysed, they had accepted an experimental treatment.”

“Stop, just... justifying yourself! What do you gain by being a damn hero? You’ve already seen what humanity does with the old heroes, applaud them in front of a camera and then let them rot in a room somewhere, forgotten. It’s better and even practical being a villain, and be the one who lets humanity rot in turn.” 

“I'm not good enough for this” 

That was the straw that broke the camel's back

“YOU EXASPERATING LITTLE SHIT! YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE GOOD, YOU’VE TO BE BAD. THAT’S THE THING!” Screamed the eldritch furiously before his tentacles pounced on flug. 

The scientist's knees didn’t respond and he fell on the grass. He trembled and spread his hands awkwardly to defend himself. Black Hat halted on the spot. This was not supposed to happen. This was a date, but the doctor was so annoyingly desperate. Black Hat forced himself to reaffirm that he was not going to get anything like that. He rested his hands on the shoulders of the scientist.

“Flug, listen to me You’re a great villain, you’re just too dumb to notice it”

Flug looked confused at his boss, he hadn’t hurt him. Not only that, he was trying to compliment him, that would make it...twice in the same day. A great enough feat for guinness records. He found himself laughing. 

“Not even you believe that” Flug joked.

Black hat relaxed when he heard the doctor's laughter, for a moment he believed that the whole affair of the murder had broken him or something. But here he was, the typical anxious and cute scientist. It was only problems of self-confidence, nothing that, with a little practice could not be solved. Flug just needs to think that he was worth something. He laughed too, relieved. 

“Okay, maybe things are not working out because we have done-until now- what I wanted. So change of plans, we’ll do whatever you want.” this was said seductively as Black Hat knelt to kiss his hand. 

The man flushed so hard that he froze for a moment, forgetting all the gory things that happened before and their little argument. The embarrassment forced him to cover the bag with his hands. A ridiculous action since the bag prevented the demon from seeing his face (but he still could see his red neck)

“oh… uhmm...okay… thanks, boss… I mean Black Hat… well, I would love go to a festival, but at this time of the year they are usually closed.” He freed himself from the other's grip and stroked his own hands shyly

“Only in this dimension.” the eldritch creature grinned sharply.

“what do you mean in this-” The scientist could not finish his sentence when he saw how Black Hat scratched the air, opening a green portal to another dimension. “Oh geez...” The creature lifted him in his arms bridal style as if they were a couple on a bizarre honeymoon, and carry him inside.


	4. The demonic jazz festival

The journey between the portals was strange, like dipping into dense green air. The shadows floated independently of the body, for a moment the flesh and bones seemed to want to join their flight. It was an unpleasant experience, where literally holding together was really hard. Flug really appreciated that Black Hat was carrying him, he didn’t believe he had enough strength or courage to walk in such a place. He was not sure how long the trip lasted, he suspected that time and space had lost their meaning, but he estimated that lasted the same as a blink. A long blink.

It was easy to notice when they arrived, Black Hat flung Flug to the floor without care, as he crouched panting, trying to recover his breathing.

“I'm a little rusty,” Explained the demon, still panting.

“Don’t worry I get used to being thrown to the ground,” joked Flug bitterly, rising while he was looking around himself. Of course, they couldn’t be anywhere other than a demonic or bloody place. On the violet earth stood large and strange constructions, made with skeletons and from which green fire emanated. The disoriented doctor could only recognize two constructions, a kind of roller coaster and a giant ferris wheel. Nevertheless, he couldn’t understand how it could coexist all those indications of an amusement park with a huge poster (written with a slick and dripping calligraphy) that said "demonic jazz festival".

“ At least it doesn’t say evil,” the scientist thought resignedly.

Once again the uncomfortable silence came. Flug looked contemptuously at the place and Black Hat waited anxiously for his verdict. He was showing him his roots, his natal dimension, where he came from. Not only that, the demonic jazz festival was one of the most important celebrations among his people.

“So, what do you think?”

“It is interesting…. the green fire that never extinguishes merits an investigation.”

“It is wonderful, right? And you haven’t see anything yet!” Before the doctor had enough time to answer or blink, his companion had dragged him into one of the tents from the event. The space was divided in two, a black stage where the musicians played apart and the rest of the place where an absurd amount of monsters of all kinds were dancing.

There were only three things that really bothered him: the loud music, the oddly moist and warm air and, of course, the people around. Flug was too anxious to do something, he was the kind of man who could dance in a party only if a gun was pointed at his head.

“Let’s go to dance,” said the demon while he dragged the arm of the doctor. He couldn’t go very far, Flug had sunk his feet to the ground.

“Sir, I can’t dance in front of these people.” as he keept removing lines of earth gracefully

“Do you want me to kill them? After all the dead can’t see ”

“What? No! Don’t do anything horrible. Just romantic stuff, okey?”  
  
“But it would be a sincere gesture of love”

“I’m out of this” Frustrated, the scientist as he walk away. Black Hat follow him. He was being all a gentleman resisting to the attempt of take the scientist wrist and made him dance. Why Flug didn’t appreciate all his efforts?

“Okey, maybe dancing is not your thing...What if we play some games?, there are some pretty nice like “human hunt”, “dunk lava tank”, “shoot the freak” or “splat the man” “

“Stop, just stop, please. Why everything is about killing humans?”

“This is demon’s dimensión Flug. What else would they be killing?”

“Of course, it is only gory things with you. What have I been thinking? you can’t do anything romantic, only evil stuff” replied the doctor while he started to run furiously

“Flug, wait!” screamed Black hat as he tried to follow him, but he hadn’t recover from the big effort of creating the portals, so he just saw how the scientist darted away from the tent and become a little funny point in the horizont between the hills that surrounding the park

He kicked a can that had been thrown on the floor angrily. Why must everything be so hard with Flug? That ungrateful brat, after all he did for him! He almost used all his magic to create portals that won’t kill humans and he even gave him his worst old enemy as villain practice, he let him choose their next activity and didn’t force him to dance… how the doctor couldn’t see anything romantic in his behavior?! he should leave him in this dimension and let the demons chew his bones. The demon looked up from the ground and gazed back at the human point between the hills. No, he wasn’t following him because he was worried. Of course of not. He would show him what he was capable of, he would make him regret every word and show him how stupid he was.

He didn’t run like a desperate man, the doctor didn’t deserve his haste, he walked slowly and furiously toward him, every step was a slash to the ground. He climbed the hills and then both of them could see each other's faces without saying a word. Flug was sitting on the floor, his bag was stained by what looked like tears.

The young man was going to say something and then Black Hat stopped him and screamed “So do you want something romantic?? Fine!! Get ready for the most fucking romantic thing that you could ever see in your mortal life!!!”

Then his eyes put in white, the earth trembles violently up to the point of almost breaking it. The doctor closes his eyes scared and doesn’t notice how suddenly, of the soil it sprouts a red flower as if it was a kind of popcorn (it even made a funny noise when it appears to the existence). When he returns to open the eyes, he saw how Black Hat cut the flower with his sharp claws and offered to him. If it could be called “offer” what he was doing. The flower was held with any type of delicacy at the height of the scientist's eyes only a few inches from his cornea, it seemed more like an assassination attempt than an offer .

“I’m offering to you the corpse of this flower as proof of my love!”

The doctor laughed, “All this mess for a flower.”

“Demonic soils are the most infertile lands of all, in fact if you want to kill plants you just have to throw some demonic dirt on them. I had to summon most of my magic to bring about this miracle of birth and then kill it for you. The flower is just a symbol of the many things I could do for your love,” explained seriously the demon while he continued offering the rose to the human.

Flug stared at him in silence while he grab the rose between the sharp claws of the other, brought it to his bag in the place where his nose was suppose to be and breathed deeply the scent.

Once again like in the park, he felt that everything had a sense. That all what he had suffered, all his nights without sleep, all the screams he endured, all the people who died because of them and those who were going to continue dying. That means, all the bad and chaotic stuff that causes their date, all of that was worth it. Flug stared to the expressionless face of Black Hat and he could swear that for a brief moment he glimpsed a green blush running through the skin of the demon. He knew that neither would ever say it but their love was insanely reciprocal.

He smiled proudly as he stared at the rose, his eyes lit up with excitement. He had read poems and seen many movies about love, always showed a sweet, gentle love, but he knew that those romances were like a soft kiss given to the light of the reflector and flavored like makeup without sweat. It wasn’t a real love, or at least, it wasn’t what he felt every time he looked into the eyes of the demon.

Love is fierce, savage, it’s a force that overwhelms you and mash you with beauty and in that moment the poor scientist felt his heart hit by a train of love.   
He was blushing, he was in shock, he was ashamed and ready to forgive everything “awww, I don’t know what to say… I’m sorry for leaving you before, i was an idiot”

“indeed” replied the demon almost singing with the great satisfaction of a fulfilled plan

The reader must know that it was very easy for a man without romantic life, to fall down passionately for this type of obvious cliches .... but even a great connoisseur of the topic would have to admit that the demon had his charm or at least, his unique way to be an douchebag even in the most cheesy situations.

Anyway, the doctor was surprised when he noticed the posture of the demon, it seems strange like exhausted, as if it were a real effort to stay standing. When Black Hat noticed Flug’s attention was on him, he straightened and tried to stay as cool as possible even though his nerves and exhaustion were eating him from the inside.

“Are you ok?” inquired the bag headed man, a little worried

“Marvelous” said Black Hat with a tired and forced smile. Fearsome stomach growls came out of his body. The eldritch creature only reacted with a fixed stare without expression. He adjusted the clothes and wiped the dust pretending that nothing happened.

“Would you like something to eat?”

“I think your morality wouldn’t be comfortable with me eating” replied with elegance Black Hat

“Why? What do you eat?”

“Cute scientists who asked too many questions” The infernal creature said seductively as he took the thin chin under Flug’s bag. He pulled him close to his body, dangerously close to his lips. Instinctively the other squinted with pleasure. Suddenly, the face of Black Hat split as if it were the mouth of a strange carnivorous plant, full of amentiating teeth and protrusions. Horrible shouts emanated from the broken flesh while drops of green saliva gurgled. A thin undulating tongue circled over the head of the scientist. Flug looked at him petrified, in fear.The threatening aspect of the demon dissolved as he returned to his humanoid form, laughing at the doctor’s face.

“You’re a jerk when you want to be, do you know it?” replied annoyed the doctor

“Watch out doctor, this is the second time you insult me. Next time I’m not going to contain myself and I’m gonna eat your head.” threatened the eldritch.

“I won't complain, if you do like a mantys during sex” Flug froze when he realized that he had voiced his thought aloud. Now he was sure he was going to die, he stared at the demon, afraid but firmly. If he died there, at least, he wanted it to be a worthy death, without avoiding the eyes of his boss as a coward.

Black Hat froze for a moment, he looked at him between surprised and pleased. He couldn’t believe what he’d said. He laughed in deep guffaws “shy pervert” growled, teasing him near his face.

“You think I'd be here if I wasn't?” the scientist grabbed his bag, exposing his face.  
His gaze was defiant and green, and a mad smile crossed his face. He pulled his boss's tie hard, planting a kiss on his mouth. Yep, a worthy death.

In spite of what anyone would believe, Black Hat closed the eyes and allowed the kiss.  
Their mouths met, a silent battle between the human tongue and the viper one, between the sweet saliva and the acid. Flug’s kisses were nervous and awkward, his flesh too fragile, his tongue too fast, it was like kissing a butterfly. The demon plunged his claws into his mane, preventing him from escaping so easily and forcing him to kiss stronger. They bit their lips softly, the demon in spite of the temptation, he avoided closing his sharp teeth around the tender flesh of his companion, he restrained himself leaning hardly the tongue, exploring the concavities of the mouth, playing in its enclosures where a heavy air comes and goes.

The demon released his grip when he saw the doctor's open, desperate eyes as he tried futilely to speak with his full mouth.  
"You were choking me," Flug excused softly as he coughed “you must be more gentle next time”

“And now, this spineless worm is bossing me around!” though indignant, the demon but he didn’t say any word. There was a reason of why he forced flug to wear that bag, his face distracted him too much. It was as if his face had some kind of magic, he just stayed there, frozen, without looking away from the doctor’s eyes. How much he hated him! If he were any other human he would have died a long time ago, but the eldritch creature liked his guts and the taste of his mouth. Although, that wasn’t enough to save his poor human soul. Oh, no, Black Hat was going to kill him if he continued with this lack of respect. And then he would resurrect him and fuck him and then kill him again. It would be a shame for the company to lose such a great scientist, but if for something were useful the human overcrowding it was to find a replacement for every single person.

The demon held his face in his claws and passed the nail gently over his scars, where they threatened to break the regenerated skin. He stared at the curve of the green pupils which were gazing at him warily. He knew Flug’s villain potential was written in his face, in his scars, in the light of his insane green eyes. Why did he refuse to see it?

Flug was naive, but If someone thought he was innocent, that person couldn’t be more wrong. He was the kind of villain who would destroy humanity with robots, commanded from a console, laughing in the comfort of his house as if he were playing a silly video game. His morals, like his bag were terrible disguises, he didn’t kill anyone with his own hands not because he was a good man and had pity for them, it was because blood seemed disgusting and he didn’t want to dirty his hands.

He was a hypocrite. But that hypocrisy was what strengthened his evil, all his darkness escaped through his pores in the smallest and unconscious gestures. It is true that there were villains less pathetic than he, but the doctor was a master craftsman in creating the most ridiculous deaths. And what better way to annihilate a hero than to convince him that he is an ill-told joke?

Black Hat cursed himself mentally, he knew he couldn’t replace him, no one was like him. He hated it, feelings were making him soft. He couldn’t imagine destroying another planet without his scientist, dancing in the ruins of the civilization while laughing. He was falling in love so quickly that he suspected that his emotions weren’t new, that they had been repressed all this time until the doctor kissed him that first time in the laboratory. And now, this new kiss was simply to check how deep his love was for the weak scientist. He’d already known that love was dangerous thing, the stick in the wheel which threatens to destroy everything that he had worked so hard for, his company, his plans, his fame, even his immortality. And here he was, dating him, accepting that he was so fucked up and swearing mentally that he wouldn’t let anyone know how vulnerable and sensitive he was, much less the idiot he had as a lover.

A delicious scent brought him back to reality along with the grunts of his stomach.  
“skroutz!!” Exclaimed the demon while his mouth watered  
“What?!” inquired the doctor, confused, while he seemed disgusted by the green saliva falling near his bag.  
“A typical food in this dimension, you must taste it!” The demon takes the scientist's hand and drags him across the park to a big fast food trolley decorated with a black and pink umbrella. A fat gray demon with huge violet horns looked at them with an angry face, it was all the intimidating thing that could be a giant infernal creature that wore a pink apron.

“two skroutz please” ordered Black Hat while the demon grunted and pulled out two strange reddish and translucent spheres. It looked like caramel but it smelled like rancid meat. Flug wasn’t sure if he wanted to eat that.

The creature turned his back on them and started to cook the strange food in a small pot on the side of the trolley. It wasn’t necessary to hear him whistle to know that it was going to take a while.

Black hat snapped his fingers but nothing happened. He emptied his pockets and exclaimed in a theatrical way "Oh no! I'm too tired to materialize money" once he finished saying his phrase he stare at the doctor and smiled evilly.

Flug paused for a moment, he didn’t know what Black Hat was thinking about but he was sure it wasn’t a good thing.

“Wait a minute! you can materialize money and you’ve never increase my salary?”

“I think doctor that we’re losing the focus of what is important… we can’t paid this food”

“Okey, let me search my wallet” Said the doctor resignedly

“Don't be ridiculous they don’t accept human money, you have to steal it” crooned the eldritch creature while he was playing with his cane

“oh, no! I see what is going on here. First you make me kill a hero and now you want me to steal food!! is this a date? cause it seems like a villain class, you little piece of-”  
He could not finish his sentence, black hat was cornering him against the walls of the trolley, leaning his cane against his neck and his eye glowed like a chilling red dot.

“insult me once more and you won’t bother to rob anything cause your head will be my food” The demonic voice shook the Flug’s body like a horrible hurricane

“If you do that you will lose your date.”

“Will I? I like to think that you’ll be always with me, at least inside”

“You’re grown, steal your own food”

“But doctor, you were the one who offered it first.”

“There has to be another way” replied anxiously the human

“ Fine, are you very Attatched to your left arm? maybe you can use that in exchange.”

“What if we cancel the order?”

Blackhat responded with a pursed-lipped look like a spoiled child.

“AGGH, FINE! I’LL DO IT”

The demon smiled proud.Maybe this was what the doctor needed to find his true potential.

When the food was ready in the bar, Flug screamed “LOOK THE MOST EVIL THING BEHIND OF YOU, A GIANT-ZOMBIE SANDWICH”

The gray demon looked at Flug confused, Black Hat buried his face in his hands in shame. “Sandwich? why is always a sandwich?” mumble the demon. There were times he couldn’t understand how a genius could be so stupid.

"You're doing it wrong. Excuse me sir, what my stupid partner wants is the spices that are there" once he finished saying his phrase, the creature turned his back on them and started to search the condiments. Black Hat stare at the doctor and smiled evilly.

 

“Now dear, are you ready for the condiment?” whispered the demon

Suddenly, the top hat demon took both plates with one hand and with the other dragged the arm of Flug to a crazy run.

 

“And you're supposed to be doing it right?” exclaimed the scientist

“better than you at least” the demon laughed

 

When Flug heard the incomprehensible shouts of the salesman, he knew that he was in trouble. But when he looked back and instead of finding the quiet fast food trolley was a monster truck with infernal fire drived by a mad and angry demon, he discover that it was too late to write his will. He stared desperately at a Black Hat, who continue laughing insanely.

Flug ran too slowly so he soon ended up holding the two plates of food while he was being loaded by his boss. A few tentacles sprang from his back to help him climb the roofs of street stall, trying to lose their hunter. The vehicle didn’t stop, on the contrary it was running over every street stall. Some salespeople and customers jumped right on time before being smashed by the wheels of the monster truck ... others weren’t so lucky …

“that’s what I call sweeping up the competition” joked Black Hat with a childish behavior, looking amazed all the disaster that he was spreading

“Sir with all the due respect, It isn’t the right time to make jokes when we’re running for our lives”

“nonsense, when I could do the joke? when we are dead?”

The eldritch creature stop the running and smiled when he saw the main tent of the place with the poster that read "demonic jazz convention". He had found just what they needed, the perfect crowded place to hide. That was going to be a killer party.  
…………………………  
Tax Lerman was a demon and a retired boxer, his jaw had been permanently broken, and when the doctors soldered it, they explained that he couldn’t smile again. Which fortunately didn’t stop him from being happy, he had simply ruined photos and emotive speeches for all his life. Even so, this was the happiest moment of his life (so happy that the corners of her lips were slightly curved upward). Today he was going to ask marriage to the only woman who accepted him and loved him.  
Nothing could ruin this moment. Nobody was so stupid as to bother him, after all he was a demon of almost four meters in height with more ribs than were accepted in the regulations. Or at least that was what he thought, until there came a kind of awkward scarecrow with a bag per head that pushed him at the exact moment of his proposal. The ring loosely brushed on the floor and lost in a shoe forest. He turned around furiously to hit a good hook to the bag man, the blow shot the scientist's bag revealing his human face

Everybody screamed “A HUMAN” Then the party stopped, even the musicians made a funeral silence

Black Hat ran desperately and stood in the middle between flug and the surprised crowd with his arms extended, as if he could hide the doctor with his tiny body “He’s not a human, he’s my date. I’m draining all his humanity and leaving only a monster” he declared in a loud voice

 

“so you’re doing that?... Does my humanity embarrass you? What is wrong with me being a human?”

“Flug this is not the right moment to have this discussion!”

“Oh, why not?”

“HIS MEAT IS GOING TO BE THE PERFECT WEDDING GIFT!” Lerman screamed while he guided the horde

 

It wasn’t necessary to say "for this", the doctor lowered himself and closed his eyes, as if trembling behind his partner defending him from an angry crowd.  
The mind of Black Hat ran at the speed of light, thinking how the hell he could save this situation. It was then that he lit up.

 

The demon snapped his tongue with disapproval “what a low gift, I thought that you wanted the best for your girl”

 

The horde of demons freezes in the air, as if the phrase of Black Hat had paused the time. “What do you mean?” Exclaimed furious and confused the biggest demon with a silly expression on his face

 

“I mean look at him, he’s a kind of zombie. Pale and almost green skin, lean and thin muscles, dark circles of weeks. Is the meat that one would find in the supply sector because it is in poor condition.” He said as he held Flug’s face in his claws, showing him with the same delicacy with which he showed the weapons in his show “Do you want to gift that? Man, I thought that you loved your girl!”

“Ouch!!” the offended scientist replied

“Don’t start it Flug! I’m saving your ungrateful ass” whispered the businessman

The demon grab Black Hat clothes “Your date ruined my proposal and one of you must to pay for it, you know?”

“Hey big guy!” Flug tried to punch him in the face but his skin was so hard that the punch only hurt to the doctor. Tax Lerman released the other demon only to turned around furiously and hit a good hook to the bag man but he crouched just in time, causing his blow to end in another demon who in turn also counter. Before one could even noticed, more and more demons joined into the fight. Like the dominoes who can’t avoid falling on one another to its own self-destruction.  
And if that was not enough, in the middle of the disaster, the monster truck that was still haunting the kroutz’s robbers, appear in the scene. In spite of its spectacular entrance, breaking of the walls of the place and throwing fire of its wheels, it was only one more granite in the avalanche of destruction that was being created.

The disaster that caused the fight had made seem the Flug’s lab and the hero's dead like a tender walk in the park. Not even in the witch hunts had been so much blood and senseless violence. The demons ran frightened among the fire and the survivor joined to the truck in pursuit of the two mad mans.

………………….

The narrator could describe to you readers the incredible persecution of Flug and Black Hat that suffered throughout the festival, how they tried to hide inside the fair games by posing as stuffed animals, vendors, ring games, bundle decorations and how they were easily discovered and almost run over so many times. The narrator could show to you how this persecution destroyed almost the whole place, but this narrator is not such a good writer to explain that tremendous details, and is too poor to afford the price of the special effects. So he decided to jump to the part where they managed to hide conveniently in the wheel of fortune while the fury of demons began to light the torches. Although in the infernal dimension everything was full of fire, the torches still being a charming detail for bloody persecutions.

“Any good idea?” inquired Black Hat

“let’s go back to our dimension” replied desperate the doctor

His loud voice were heard by the fury of demons who started to approach dangerously close to the ferris wheel.

“we can’t, I haven’t regained my energy yet ”

The demons were at the foot of the machine. One of them approached with a sharp smile at the key that lit the game. The cheerful music began to sound with the grace of a funeral procession. Slowly they were descending toward the angry mob.  
It was the end.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? ARE WE TRAPPED HERE?”

“how could I have guessed that we would be here for so little time because someone doesn’t know how to rob a silly food? it’s your fault all this mess”

“ HOW ANYTHING OF THIS COULD BE- AGH, NEVER MIND! CAN’T YOU AT LEAST TRY?”

“FINE! BUT I’M NOT DOING THIS BECAUSE YOU TELL ME”

Black hat tried to open a portal, his eyes went blank and he scratched the air, for a second, the reality trembled as if something had tickled it, but nothing happened. He was drained of energy, it was a bad time to remember that he inhabited an old body of more than two thousand years. He tried to concentrate on all his strength, he had to do something. He had to think of something to motivating, something evil and giant. Yes, maybe he could summon something evil that kills all the crowd.

 

A crack is drawn across the violet sky. A crack that upon breaking (as if it were a glass) emerged a giant-zombie sandwich. The creature screamed causing a terrible wave of destruction. The two men froze seeing the creature running toward them.

“Ha! I told you it was an evil thing!” screamed victorious the scientist

“SHUT UP YOU BIG FOOL! THIS IS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT”

Definitely, accidentally summon a monster sandwich was Flug’s fault. He would never have thought to summon something so stupid if it wasn’t for the scientist...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okey, I know that I've been promising to end this fic soon but every time I continue writing it, it gets bigger and bigger (duuhh, so logical XD).... I'm trying my best guys!!! I try to create something with humor, cheesy but not soo chessy because they're villains. This chapter was a really pain in the ass, I rewrite like 3 times and i'm uploading right now because I don't want to continue working in even more and more details.... so please enjoy!! :D


	5. Surprises and disasters

It was bad when they saw the demons going up to the Ferris wheel. It was bad when the giant sandwich approached them with the clear intention of devouring them. Just when they thought that nothing could get worse they heard a metallic cry and saw pieces falling from the game. They swallowed at the second of silence. The ferris wheel broke free of its mechanism with a brutal passion, as if it were a Tibetan monk who decided that it was time to reach nirvana and free himself from his earthly bonds by throwing his house and family down a cliff. Consequently, the machine began to roll at full speed.

“What did you do this time?” asked the desperate doctor

“Me? I wouldn’t do anything to this filthy thing while I'm in it!!”

When they heard a familiar and hysterical laugh, they climbed to the top of the game and found the last person they thought that they could find: Dementia was running on the top to get the balance.

“DEMENTIA?” They exclaimed both bewildered.

“GUYS!! I’M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU” the crazy woman replied happily.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?” inquired the demon.

“Oh it’s a long story, you wouldn’t believe the day I had. After you let me fall to an unknown dimension, I fell for so long that I fell asleep, when I woke up ... guess what? I discover that I have a dead guy under my ass. Not only that, he was a prince. So I become the leader of a rebellion and caused all kinds of disaster. We were destroying an entire castle, when suddenly we ended in a whole other place. It was so wicked!! There were other people and strange creatures. And I said ‘come on guys, continue destroying’ and then appeared this giant sandwich which ate people. So I decide to do what’s important in every rebellion and started running for my life. And now I’ve found you. That’s all. What about your day? what you have been doing guys?” The lizard girl answered as if she was having a normal teenager phone talk with her friends when she was destroying the ruins of the demonic jazz festival with the ferris wheel.

“We were on a date until you arrived” replied annoyed the demon.

“Oh, jealous me! How long have you been dating each other?” 

“Actually this was our first date” said the doctor.

“Please tell me I ruined your first date!” 

“Flug beat you with that honor”

“WAIT, WHAT?” Flug couldn’t believe what he hearing. He had ruined the date? Black Hat had ruined all of it with his evil plans and his lack of powers, not him. 

The conversation would have continued like that if it weren't for the giant monster sandwich. The villains were so distracted with their chatting that the monster finally caught up to the Ferris wheel. It roared with its foul mustard and gherkin breath, showing his teeth of toothpicks ready to tear into the fragile flesh of the three idiots.

They did the only thing they could do when you’re so close to the mouth of a giant hungry monster: they let go of the ferris wheel and slipped down to the ground, where a furious crowd of demons awaited them. Surprisingly, they landed comfortably between hands and torches, as if they were rock stars in a recital of terror. When the hands tried to imprison them, the struggle for freedom began. 

Dementia was striking all among her hysterical laughs, Black Hat had extracted his tentacles and his thousands of monstrous mouths to fight while Flug ....ehm…. well, Flug was despairing and running in circles.

“Well, a ruined date is what you deserve Black Hat, you know that I’ve been into you for years and you date this poor attempt of a villain,“ Dementia teased with a grin while she busted two heads of demons in one blow, demonstrating her strength.

“HEY!” the scientist screamed, annoyed by the comment, forgetting his frantic circling.

“HAA I KNEW YOU WERE A VILLAIN, YOU WOULDN’T BE MAD IF YOU WEREN’T ONE!” Joked the demon imprudently with a sharp smile while his tentacles suffocated five demons to death.

“That doesn’t prove anything, she was being derogatory…and stop messing up my mind!” yelled the doctor angrily.

“Stop dating me then!”

“UUHG TOO CHEESY!! Stop fighting like a married couple!”

“WE’RE NOT MARRIED!” screamed both of them,annoyed. Flug joined the fight to vent his frustrations out.

Flug tried to be useful in a fight; he wasn’t as strong as Dementia and didn’t have weird powers like Black Hat, but perhaps he could be more than a brain, perhaps he had some strength too….perhaps….but sadly it wasn’t possible . 

The scientist took an iron pipe from the ground and shouted as if it were an ancient war cry, ran towards the strongest demon wielding the metal pipe, and flew through the air like a crazy meteorite with goggles when the demon hit him. 

“I just don’t understand...What does he have that I don’t, Blackie?” The lizard girl asked confused while she watched the pathetic remains of the scientist scattered on the floor.

“Where do I start? First he’s smart, he has deep insane eyes where you can lose your mind only watching them and then he has the most beautiful evil laugh that you could ever dream of” Black Hat answered almost without thinking, realizing how disgustingly corny his mind could be...he did not recognize his own words…love is a really unpleasant thing…like a brain wash done with your heart. “But that can’t happen” thought the demon; afterall he was Black Hat, the greatest villains of all time. He doesn’t have a heart, he only has a lover. He simply reacts following the protocol of the lovers, that is all...

While his boss mentally justified himself, the doctor blushed from head to toe. His heartbeat was fast and nervous like the heart of a condemned man before they turn on the electric chair. There was a before and an after for those words… It was much more than a congratulation, it was a compliment, it was knowing that he was appreciated and even more. It was breaking the rules of villainy and showing weakness to prove real love. He was in shock. In the most blissful shock of all, he couldn’t fit in his own body. Tears of joy fell from his eyes.

“Aww boss, I didn’t know how much you appreciated me”

“Look at the cheesy things that you make me say, you idiot!!”

“It’s not my fault that you have such bad taste! I mean look at him, he’s completely useless!” 

“Completely useless, uh? Then watch out!” The doctor barbarically threw the black sphere of instant black holes to the ground. He wasn’t going to allow any form of life to stain his honor after such a confession of love. He was the greatest evil scientist of all time; he couldn’t be less, because he had to show that he deserved to be with the devil himself.

The scientist remembered the first thought he had when his boss had proposed the date. There was no place for his morality and Black Hat. And Flug had chosen Black Hat, he had always done that in the past, but this time he was not justifying himself anymore. 

“WHAT THE HELL?” screamed an astonished Dementia while she started to run. 

She wasn’t the only one. It’s like a rule with no exception, if a black hole appears and is absorbing everything around it, everybody starts to run for their lives.

The fearsome monstrous sandwich was the first creature to be absorbed, followed by the skroutz's truck and a small row of violet and green colored demons who were flying pathetically as weak flowers with horns. 

There is another rule with no exception: when a black hole appears and puts at risk the life of every living and molecular creature, there is a kind of truce in the fight. It's like a brotherhood of shitting scared pants, that possibly ends up like “if we leave here alive dude, I invite you to a beer. Doesn’t matter if you murder my family. You. Me. Beer.”

So it wasn’t illogical that all the rivals were refugees behind the same mountain of stone, trying to not be swallowed by the black hole which was growing up dangerously fast. And all the creatures were anxious for a single verdict. The words of the scientist who didn’t stop shaking as he felt the pressure of thousands of gazes digging into his neck. The dense silence only made things worse.

“D-Don’t worry, the instant b-black hole is designed to disappear in t-ten seconds. That according to my calculations should stop...right now" Said the man trying to calm the environment. But in spite of the scientist's predictions, the black hole continued existing impassive “Uhmm.. m-maybe my watch doesn’t work c-correctly” the man laughed nervously...

The hole continued getting bigger and hungrier. Half of the festival was now covered with terrible nothing, a deep darkness of nothing...

“EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!” screamed a random demon desperately. But it was too late now, the hole was absorbing all, there was no way to escape alive. Soon everyone floated in the air as if someone had activated the anti-gravitational device. It was a terrible infinite second, the instant where you know that you’re not only doomed vut that you’re really fucked up. 

“PLEASE TELL ME THAT NOW YOU’VE ENOUGH ENERGY TO CREATE A PORTAL AND   
ESCAPE FROM HERE!!” The scientist held Black Hat’s clothes in despair.

“Flug, if we die here I want you to know that I’ve never mistreated you enough for your stupidity.” 

“Thanks boss, I love you too”

“Flug grab Black Hat, I have a plan” announced Dementia while she clung to the demon's back.

“Don’t you even dare!”

“Tickles, tickles!”

………..

In an action movie the escape through an interdimensional tunnel and its respective fall to another reality would have been spectacular. After an amazing explosion the protagonists would have fallen in artistic forms, without any scratches on their clothes, except for some dirty or burnt effect of the makeup on their skins. Even their hair would still smell as shampoo and looked gorgeous. But this is not a film and gravity is usually a miserable bitch. 

Although Dementia’s plan worked and they were no longer in a dimension about to collapse through a giant hole, they had been transported to the exact place where they were supposed to be. That is, if you transport yourself walking on the ground and you pass to another dimension, you will be walking on the ground, but if you are floating in the air and you pass to another dimension… Well it will take you a little more time to reach the ground...and many weeks of healing to walk on it again…

The mansion quickly ceased to be a huge flat circle and instead became a cylinder increasingly huge. The three villains fell at full speed to the ground, like the three balls of a screaming cannon. Flug shouted just in time the key code "SAVE 5.0.5" and a giant inflatable mattress sprouted from the ground to receive them. The impact was so severe that the inflatable mattress deflated between fart noises, until only a stretched plastic hanging from the survivors remained as a badly armed tent or as if three people had wanted to disguise themselves with the latex suit of a whale size XL. Everyone laughed with relief; they had succeeded. They were alive, full of bruises…but alive.

“Flug you literal bloody genius!” Exclaimed the demon while he kissed the scientist in a clumsy way as the deformed plastic sheet closed over them.

“But the escape plan was mine” complained the redhead.

“But all the destruction he caused was with his own device!”

Dementia straightened indifferently like a furry, hysterical cat, inflated her chest with indignation and said, “It’s a shame, Black Hat” She was playing with her hair and looking over her shoulder “I know that deep down you love me but you’re going to discover that too late”. 

She turned around and approached Black Hat’s face quickly. “And then you’ll be begging for my love and I’ll say,” she placed her finger in the other's mouth, “no, no babe, with this mouth you’ve kissed Flug the bug. And that day, I’ll do a something that no human has done in the whole of history. I will crush your heart, man.” She let that the venom of her words spread like a perfume while she stared into the eyes of the demon.

“I’m already suffering” joked the creature in a mischievous way.

“One day you will be” 

“But until then you are going to be the one who suffers!” Said the scientist with a sadistic smile while he pushed Dementia.

“Black Hat, what did you do with the doctor?” 

“Oh no, I’ve created a monster!“   
Fortunately for Dementia she couldn’t see the new round of kisses and hugs thanks to the deflated mattress. But she could hear the unpleasant sounds and see how the plastic moved like grotesque jelly. It was pretty disgusting. 

“Awww, stop being so cheesy. You’re going to make me puke,” she protested as she left and opened the door of the mansion. A small river of blood flowed down the stairs. The half-open door allowed her to see how the entire house was painted in red.

A tense silence weighed on them and for a few seconds they were quiet and in shock and then everyone started their own line of action. Black Hat just laughed happily; he didn’t know what would happen now, but he was sure that it was good news for evil. Dementia just looked sadly at his spotted shoes and complained about it; they’d been just bought the day before and were now totally ruined. And Flug ran out screaming the name of his pet, fearing that something terrible had happened to him. To the relief of the doctor, he found his beloved bear safe and sound in his laboratory (it wasn’t very difficult to find him, he just had to follow the path of blood, bones and pieces of meat). To the doctor's horror, the laboratory was a carnival of flesh and destruction. The bear was sleeping tenderly as if nothing had happened.

“Oh my god, 5.0.5 WHAT DID YOU DO? I HAD JUST CLEANED THAT FUCKING LAB. WHY DID YOU KILL A MAN? BAD BEAR!”

“He’s right! Who’s a bad boy, yes you are, yess, who has a chubby belly?” Black Hat was praising the bear as a dog with honest happiness.

“Is there anyone in this house who hasn’t killed anyone?” Asked the annoyed doctor.

“Only you,” replied Dementia with a wicked smile.

“Nah, we slaughtered a hero today,” he responded without paying much attention to the demon while he continuing toying with 505’s fur.

“I didn’t kill him, it was an accident!” The scientist voiced indignantly.

Black Hat guffawed. “Yeah, like your accidental black hole which, by the way, must have killed a countless number of demons and destroyed at least three dimensions. Don’t try to seem like a honest person, you also puked over his dead body and all in the same day.”

“That was an accident too!”

“WOAAH really?!”

“I’ve got photos.”

“Share it, babe!”

With a speed only comparable to a father about to show you the photos in his wallet of his children, the demon quickly took out his camera and began to show the different pics to the redhead. 

“Look, this is when we were walking to the hero’s asylum, here we were fighting, Flug is in shock, Flug is puking on a dead body, puking after interdimensional travel, here’s in the funpark puking after the roller coaster...”

“When did you even get enough time to take these photos? And why are you showing them?” Flug asked furiously.

“I’m spreading your beauty (and your humiliation)!” Laughed the demon.

“I’m puking in all of them!”

“Cause you’re spreading your beauty. Dementia, he got us!! Take the camera now and publish it all over internet.” 

The girl obeyed and fled with the camera in her hands, leaving a small smoke screen.

“Why on earth did you do that?”

“Because I’m evil,” replied the demon with a sharp smile.

“Why you?...aghhh… Never mind.“ 

The doctor walked furiously to his room. All of these date things weren’t a good idea. Although it sounds impossible to believe, a romance with Black Hat was even more humiliating and stressful than being his worker. It was a full-life job with no extra pay.   
When he was about to open the latch on the door, he heard the last sentence that would condemn his sanity to death...

“By the way, Flug, remember that we have dinner tonight,” said the creature with a tone of voice between playful and seductive.

“I never accepted such a thing.”

“Yes, you did it in the same instant that you fell in love with me.” The voice replied derisively.

“No… I said no. And my answer hasn’t changed.”

“I’ll pick up you at 11 pm…. Ohh and remember to finish the 200 pill traps for tomorrow too!”

“How the hell do you expect me to continue dating you and finish the deadlines?”

“I don’t know. That’s why you’re the genius in this relationship. See you tonight sweetie!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well guys this is the end!!! can you belive it?? because I can't... and here we're!! I really hope that you liked this story, it was all a challenge for me...every chapter were so hard to write it (if you don't belive me ask to my beta writter Left_In_The_Wreckage!).   
> I would also like to thank to my latest beta writter WhiskerBiscuit for her help. Last but not least, i wanna thank you readers for spending your time here reading the whole story!! bye bye folks!! see you soon in a next fic-proyect or in a session of therapy(? 
> 
> <3
> 
> PS: I truly recomend you to read the fics of my betas, they're amazing writters. Left_In_The_Wreckage writted billdip fics like "Blood Is Thicker" or "Never Letting Go of the Stars " (the last one is my fav and it also made me cried of happiness). WhiskerBiscuit is the writter of "Harley Quinn Is Not A Good Role Model" a really interesting AU settled in an asylum.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again guys! so here it's a new project!! It's supposed to be 3 chapters. I'll try to upload soon ... anyway kudos and comments are accepted. Seeing soon <3


End file.
